simple

I'm discovering something necessary about the combination of a steady, almost rhythmic, candle flicker; a familiar, calming song surprising me on the playlist; and the simplicity only a Friday night with no alarms on the horizon can evoke. The underlying anxieties and to do lists which normally run as background on repeat throughout the hours and minutes are erased. (They really are constants I promise...just ask Ryan...and everything on those lists are a TOP PRIORITY...at least it seems that way at the time...maybe not so much right now).

This is a breathing moment. I need to remember to do this more often. : )

The Bell Jar

I just finished reading The Bell Jar and recommend it to everyone who, like me, is an introspective psychology major with closet dreams of writing more than client letters and various legal documents. Sylvia Plath's fictional account of her own life experiences winds its way into the slipping mind of a college-aged girl. She is aware of her mind's decay and endures the psychiatric treatments available in the earlier part of the 1900s. From the moment I heard the premise of this book, I started my library watch in hopes of making it my next read. Libraries can be pretty frustrating at times, and a few months went by as I waited for my turn to read about a life trapped in a bell jar. This sentence on the first page assured me I was going to like the book -

"Mirage-gray at the bottom of their granite canyons, the hot streets wavered in the sun, the car tops sizzled and glittered, and the dry, cindery dust blew into my eyes and down my throat."

I appreciate an author's ability to, with words, describe people, events, and scenery in such depth that I can almost taste the ideas. I relish words and the way they can be finely crafted to allow the reader a glimpse of the author's imagination. As a writer I am and have always been concise. I find little reason to ramble and have always had difficulty meeting page limits. However, when I am blessed by the time and inspiration to write something other than an assignment for work or school, I love sitting and reflecting on different and better ways to describe the ideas flowing through my mind. I am excited when the words flow together to create a crystal clear picture of my thoughts.

Plath's novel resounded with descriptions like the one above and satisfied my desire to both look into and attempt to understand a tired mind. Enjoy!

A lazy sway in the grasses and leaves adds to the night's symphony as the day slips away. The sky becomes a painter's dream with shades of colors indescribable using only words. The stillness melds succinctly with the slight assertions from the wind instilling a peacefulness much needed after this day, after any day. Here, dreams begin to emerge from hazy ideations. Blurred edges of impossibilities take shape and become belief. This moment is made for escaping normalcy and routine; crafted for weary eyes and minds; perfected by eyes attuned to beauties beyond description.

sundae

I love reading the words grey and sundae.  I've always preferred grey to gray, I only recently noticed sundae.  It's the placement of the letter "e" in these words that's so aesthetically pleasing.  I suppose the word aesthetically has the same effect.  :)  

technology

I recently purchased an ipod touch.  I bought it for the apps.  Then, even more recently, I procured a palm pre!  This was much sooner than anticipated.  I worried my ipod would become obsolete after only a few weeks of enjoyment.  I no longer needed wifi to access twitter and pandora!!  I don't want to linger much longer on the topic of gadgets; however, I did decide I would attempt to make use of both and this was my plan.  I would use the ipod as a kindle (I suppose I will also listen to music, which, by the way, is a lesser-known function of the ipod apple should really try to market).  

One of the applications I downloaded to my ipod, obviously, was Kindle.  I've been a bit leery of the thought of reading an entire book without touching a page.  However, the ability to sit on my couch, browse the best-seller list, find a captivating book, and immediately read it appealed to my over-powering desire for instant gratification.  Instant gratification has always been a part of my life; ask my dad.  Case in point - I purchased the ipod and palm pre both within weeks of each other.  Anyway, this ease of availability, to someone with my tendency to devour novels in a few days (or hours), is beyond enticing.  At the moment I am choosing to overlook the possible expense.  :)

The first book.  I was supposed to read The Piano Teacher by Janice Lee for July's book club but it was checked out with undetermined wait times at every library.  I discovered that the cheapest way to purchase the book was through Kindle!  Finally, after much hesitation and wavering, I took the plunge.  I just finished the book tonight.  The experience was new and different, but I was drawn to the story just as if the book was physically in my hands.  The slight difference I need to investigate is how to determine my location in the book.  There are numbers at the bottom of the page, but they are not page numbers.  I've heard they might be line numbers.  We will see.  Overall, the first experience was not a disappointment.  I will become a return customer.   

I do want to tell you about this book because I was captivated by the story from page one.  But, I'm sure I've reached the point where a blog becomes slightly too long and you've most likely already mentally escaped to your next online destination.  Enjoy!!    

donuts

As last week came to a close and this week began, I realized something jarring.  I had finished the book I was reading and could not find (at the library) the book I will read next.  Now, you might think that I should not, in fact, be reading.  I am after all studying for the bar exam, which I have to take in a little over 1 month.  (SCARED!)  Regardless, I've enjoyed reading as a respite from my constant cramming.  What entertainment would now keep my fragile mind from slipping into the insanity of total immersion in legal studies?  Enter Wimbledon.

I was pleasantly surprised Monday morning by the sound of tennis balls coming from the television before breakfast.  I was aware Wimbledon had likely started for one very important reason.  It was almost the 4th of July.  The 4th of July and Wimbledon carry with them fond memories of Smith family "breakfasts at Wimbledon."  Most years growing up the four of us would pile onto my parents bed (yes even into our teens and twenties) on the Sunday morning of the men's finals.  We would eat donuts and enjoy the match.  The memories of this tradition, like Christmas Eve pajamas or hidden clues to find the easter baskets, will stay with me.  

As the week has progressed I've found that I can watch tennis while eating breakfast and lunch!  I'm also receiving tweets regularly during playing hours over in England.  This morning I even found myself thinking of joining a tennis league!  This thought quickly progressed into needing private lessons, and then the realization that I should probably just try to hit with Ryan from time to time.  Let's not get over-excited.  It's been the perfect distraction...although, I'm sure I will still find a book to read.  ;)

celebrities

i recently finished reading sTORI telling by Tori Spelling (so witty!).  i've seen her reality show on oxygen before and enjoyed it.  this was earlier this year when my television was advanced and allowed me to watch hundreds of channels as well as record shows when i couldn't watch at the time!  it has since reverted into it's 1990's format of 15 odd channels which cannot be recorded.  

i need to take a moment here and also say (for those of you who haven't heard me rant about this already) that fort wayne television channels are incredibly STRANGE!  the today show, for instance, cuts off at 9 for regis & kelly, which we all know is supposed to be on ABC.  AND ellen is on NBC at 4!  i have yet to look for oprah, but has anyone ever heard of oprah being on at a different time or on a different channel?  i didn't think so.  i don't know who in fort wayne i have to speak with to fix these problems but it is serious.

i'm sorry, back to the point.  i have seen tori spelling's reality show and i enjoyed it.  this is not a surprise because it seems that all reality tv shows, celebrity gossip magazines, and people.com photos can command my attention for many minutes of my day (who am i kidding...hours).  i know i'm not alone on this one.  you all do it too (maybe not mom and dad or ryan or zachary), so i suppose it's more accurate to say that most women i know find themselves in the same position as me.  we are fascinated by the lives of others!  this is especially true for celebrities because they are out there in front of us every day.  some even take it upon themselves to show us the "reality" of their lives by creating "reality" tv shows.  the quotation marks there are very important and necessary.  i can't explain the draw adequately, just know it's there and this is a widely-shared interest of teens, twenty-somethings, and i would assume the thirty-somethings as well.  (i will let you know once i get there).  

oh yes, the book.  i was drawn to the title.  it is so very witty and i thought that perhaps tori would be a witty and entertaining author.  after reading her book i found myself a little turned off to her.  yes, she has a witty style and (as per usual) i found myself drawn to the stories of her life in the spotlight.  however, i didn't find myself feeling sorry for her as i think she hoped her audience would.  i appreciate her ability to put herself out there and tell stories about herself which were not entirely flattering.  however, as the book eventually lets on, tori spelling looked for any way to make money in order to pay off her enormous debt.  this book, and her reality show seem like more of the same desperate attempt to make money and make heard her desperate cry that she is indeed NORMAL.  she is using books and "reality" tv to paint the "reality" of her life that she would like the world to see.  

i suppose i shouldn't let myself be disappointed.  the book really was entertaining; in exactly the same ways as the reality shows, magazines, and photos.  as an autobiography, the book did its job.  it painted a picture of a life through the author's eyes.  i will continue to watch "reality" tv, (that is if my television will give me the proper channels), and i will continue to read celebrity autobiographies from time to time.  what can i say, the lives of celebrities are and will remain...fascinating!

birds

I have to tell you about the highlight of my day.  I won't give you the details about the overwhelming work assignments or immense overload of studying I should be doing.  I have to tell you about the best fifteen minutes of my day.  I sat down at 5:00 to wait until it was time to leave for my 5:30 dinner with the men who will be my work life over the next year (or years).  I have a window in my shared office and my view includes grass, a tree, the company walking path (surprisingly well-used), and I-69.  I also often see birds.  Today when I sat down I saw a robin.  I noticed this robin was carrying a worm.  Some teachers (no names) might say I was seeing things because birds are herbivores....definitely not omnivores.  Moving past my bitterness from 6th grade, this robin would run a few steps, stop, look around, run a few steps, stop, look around.  I was thinking it was strange that the robin felt it needed to stop every once in a while.  I was just wondering about this strange bird behavior when I realized there was a small black object in the grass slightly in front of the robin.  Did it move?  Yes...the small black object moved.  Is it?  Yes!  The robin ran, stopped, and looked all the way over to the small black object which proceeded to hop up, stretch his neck into the air and accept the worm from his mommy!  At one point the mommy robin angrily chased away an apparently threatening black bird.  Hello discovery channel.  I observed nature at it's finest.  I'm not sure why the little baby robin was sitting in the grass.  It didn't move much.  I really hope it was able to hop or fly or stumble to a better location.  The mommy delivered one more worm and then I had to leave.  It was a good 15 minutes.       

political thought for the day

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."

Just a witty comment by Groucho Marx.  I don't know about you, but I trust his political analysis...  ;)   

writing

I have a love of reading.  I am not sure love is the correct word.  After the first few pages I find myself settling comfortably into the obsession yet again.  Yes, obsession is probably a more accurate word.  The words invade my mind and I cannot stop.  Being in the middle of a book means my days are filled of thoughts about said book, and I cannot wait for my next chance to learn more of the characters.  I yearn to know what fate the author has intricately woven and predestined for each of them.  This is why I have not yet been able to write.  I hope and plan to write one day.  Short stories maybe, or even that one great novel that people dream about.  I am, however, paralyzed.  I do not begin to write.  I  cannot even note ideas because I am intimidated by the immense talent a multitude of authors have had to shape stories which have driven my obsession for years.  My ideas come and go, and almost every time I pause and convince myself the particular idea could not possibly capture the mind and imagination of my most severe audience and critic, whom I know quite well is me.   

(should be studying for the bar right now...)  :)